Recoverying Multitudes

I've discovered since I began this program that everyone has more than one thing to recover from. You might initially begin the program for your drinking problem, but along the way you discover so many others that you need to address.

I began with needing to recover from my temper. I discovered as I went through the questions that the anger was only a symptom. It still needed to be addressed, but if I didn't work on the cause (co-dependency) then it would never really go away or get under control.

Having multiple things to recover from is not bad. You are not an evil person beyond hope because of it. A drug addict probably has a drinking problem, swearing problem, temper problem. The list could go on and on. You'll find yourself at different steps of the recovery, too which is alright. You can attend multiple step studies!

Check out Celebrate Recovery and what it can do for you!

Defining CoDependency #2

A few days after receiving the shock that I was co-dependent, I went on to read description number two.

My good feelings about myself stem from others opinions about me. 

Boy, did that describe me. Granted, I'm not a yes person who cannot do anything without seeking approval, but the need to have that approval is strong in my life.  There are so many days in which I would leave a family gathering in tears because my cooking wasn't good enough, that my actions with my kids were criticized, that I didn't seem to do anything right. I would be depressed for days. I was co-dependent for sure.

It took a weekend in which I was constantly criticized for everything I did. They even went so far as to say that I needed to see a shrink to take care of my unresolved issues. I was so angry at God for forcing me to stay through the visit and for not pointing out to them that their actions were mean and hurtful. that fight with Him lasted 2 hours. It was an emotional 2 hours. At the end of it, guess who won?

God pointed out to me that I cannot change other people. I cannot change their actions, thoughts, or beliefs. I do not have the power. But I can change me. I can become a better person without needing their approval. I just need God's.

Today? I still get hurt when my cooking is criticized or something I have poured my whole heart into is ignored or downplayed, but in the end it doesn't effect me much. I look to God and His guidance over theirs. My sense of value comes from Him and Him alone.

Lesson 4 - Sanity

I will freely admit that my life is insane. It has been since I married an ADHD person. But the definition that Pastor John Baker gives for it is the best I've ever heard.

"Insanity has been described as 'doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result each time.'"

Wow! How accurate. We go through life doing the same things over and over again and getting nowhere.

My father was a die hard Kentucky Wildcat fan. I think that he bled blue. Game nights were sitting in front of the TV intently watching each player's move. But the "insanity" came in when a game was on during church or another very important event. He would tape it and then watch it when he got home. Then he would watch it again the next day, and again the next day, and again the next day. One time when he was watching it for about the eighth time, I sat down and watched a few minutes. I said, "You would think that as many times as this game has played that number 3 would realize that he would miss that shot."

Funny, but don't we do that in life? The insanity of my life is always expecting my family to be who they are not. Going through the same motions and expecting them to learn and grow when the message is not clear is insanity.

I need (as well as my family) to make decisions and take action based on wisdom and not on hope and desires. That is the only way sanity will show itself in my life.

Lesson 3 - Hope

The first question asked in this lesson is where was I placing my hope before I started to rely on Jesus. My first instinct was to say Jesus. After all, He has always been my Lord. But I had begun to see the underlying truth in my life.

Where was I placing my hope? My own power. The approval of others. Both of which is worthless.

I cannot accomplish what needs to be done on my own power. I am so limited. I get exhausted. I have medical issues that worsen the more I rely on myself.

I will never get true approval from others. I will always lack in their eyes. They will always want to control my life.

I had to come to realize that I wasn't relying on God the way I should. I needed to ignore the other people and focus on Him. It isn't easy only because they are so loud in my life. But with God all things are possible.

Principle 2

Principle two says that I need to "earnestly" believe that God exists and that He is the power that I need to seek to recover.

I'll be honest that this principle comes easy to me because I have believed in God my whole life and I know that He has the power to do ANYTHING. But do I actually act like I do? Do I really rely on Him and His power? In reality, no.

I think that I can do it myself. Why not, everyone else does it. They expect me to do it on my own power therefore I should. That is my co-dependency. I let others dictate my expectations and pathway instead of letting God guide me. It's not easy. I know I need to rely on God, but He is not like the people in my life who are in my face 24/7 nagging me and criticizing me. He is waiting on me to turn to Him.

This hurt. I believe in Him, but I have allowed others to control where I place my trust. No more. He is the only one that can help me, therefore I must rely only on Him and not on society or family for my recovery and future paths.

Principle 1 Verse - 2 Corinthians 1:8-9

We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.

Relying on God. Most people would say that they rely on Him each day. But do they really? Do we hand over to Him the stress of teenage kids? Do we rely on Him to handle your marriage problems? Do we rely on Him to help you find a job? Do you hand over to Him your emotional dilemmas? When we rely more on God, we see miracles that dreams could not conjure up. Only God can make the impossible look so easily done. The trials you are faces are not always death sentences. But they are real and they are not easy. But they are blessings. They are a chance to show that you can rely on Him and a chance for Him to show you just a little bit of what He can do. Give Him a chance. Give Him something to work with and sit back to watch the show.

Principle 1 verse - Jeremiah 6:14

They dress the wound of my people as though it were not serious. ‘peace, peace,’ they say, when there is no peace.

What happens when you have an injury and you just ignore it? It usually gets worse. Infection can set in. If it is still not addressed, gangrene and death could await you. All this could have happened from a small innocent cut on the finger. We do that in the other areas of our life, also. We pretend that we don’t have any problems. We find ways to make the ugly pretty so that we can bury our heads in the sand and pretend that it is all a rose garden. We ignore the beatings, the extra drink or two, the inappropriate touches, the persistent desire for more and more, the urge to express our anger instead of our love, the extra 6 helpings of food, the fact that we never exchange polite words in our marriage anymore, anything that is dragging us down and hurting us. We apply dressing to the wound instead of medicating and seeking the much needed help to prevent more serious side effects. We think we’ve got it covered and all looks good. But when there is war, and you refuse to say there is anything but peace, the whole world sees the bombs exploding behind you and the fires of destruction burning. We lie to those in front of us. But worse, we lie to ourselves. Stop! Look at your life and see where you are hurt. See where you have been ignoring a “small” cut that now is swollen and infection is residing. Find where you need the help that only God can give. Find where you cannot cure it and find the ultimate cure. Stop living a fantasy. Start living a strength filled eternity.