Success

I thought that I would be sitting back at steps one and two forever, but as I was talking with a friend regarding my co-dependency I realized that I was moving along those steps better than I had thought.  I was starting to say no to those that wanted to rope me in.  I was beginning to stand on my own two feet.

My problem in that so many people in my life want to control my life.  They tell me how I should dress, talk, feel, discipline my children, answer my phone, spend my day, and which job to take.  There is really not one area of my life where someone is not trying to point out that if I would listen to them all my problems would be over.  The problem is that my feelings, passions, and self are ignored and basically told not important.

I have started telling people no.  When they want to influence my day to day life, I say that I will do what I need to do and if their actions try to cause me to get off the track of what HAS to be done then it is their problem.  For example, my husband who I am the most co-dependent to will panic because he needs to run to town because he forgot to do it yesterday.  Tough luck!  We are down to one car and I need it to take the kids to the doctor and get to work.  My life cannot go on hold because somebody else did not do what was needed.  They have to accept the consequences of their actions instead of me sacrificing everything to help them avoid the end result.  It might sound selfish to some people, but when you are a co-dependent you find that those people begin to take you for granted and assume that you will give up a job interview or anything else important for their wants and panic attacks.  Your life is really theirs.  You find that you have no identity and that you really do not exist. 

Unless you have fully recognized your co-dependency you cannot understand what it means to never be able to fulfill a dream or work on a hobby all because someone else demands your time.  They want you to do what they want when they want you to.  They expect you to drop everything just because they sneeze.  A co-dependent does not exist.  They are the shadow of the other person.

I'm beginning to break free.  If I have a deadline or a responsibility that needs to be met, then I make sure that it is done.  No more will I put off things that are required of me because someone else in my just wants to control me or because they have made mistakes in their daily life that flows into mine.  I don't care anymore if I am acceptable to someone else or if I meet their approval.  I don't care as long as I am doing what God requires of me.  It might not make others happy, but it is what God wants of me.  

I am a child of God and not the puppet of others.  I am a person with feelings and not the toy of others.  I need support and not control.