Lesson 6 - Action

One of the questions asked in Lesson 6 is "What have you been able to turn over to God?"

This was a hard one for me.  After all, I am co-dependent which means that I do not have anything that I have control over to turn over.  Well, I might not have control over anything, but I do still have my clutches on things that I need to relinquish to God.  I'm trying to control it.  Though I never seem to have control.  I need to turn my day to day schedule over to God.

One night at about 2 am God and I had a very long and deep discussion.  I was about to pull my hair out.  God is not a ruler or creator of chaos.  So why is my day so chaotic?  Come on, God.  I'm trying to put order in my life.  Why does it seem that You are fighting against me and allowing the chaos to reign?  I could not get past these statements.  I repeated them over and over.  It was then that wonderful James rose up and spoke.

"Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money."  Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.  What is your life?  You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."  As it is, you boast and brag.  All such boasting is evil.  Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." (NIV, James 4:13-17)

I was trying to determine my day and what was going to happen.  There is nothing wrong with planning and making sure that crucial things are not missed.  What was I doing wrong?  Not dedicating my day to God and looking to Him about what I should and should not do.  That was my problem.

Do you know how hard this was for me?  I am not naturally an organizer.  I like to get up and go about my day doing whatever is before me.  The world around me forced me to change.  I was an accountant for 20 years.  Much of my job involved a multitude of tasks that had to be scheduled and could not be missed.  Lists became my best friend as they helped me to remember duties that had to be done.  This spilled over into my personal life.

I married an ADD guy.  Life with him was a roller coaster.  You never knew what each day held.  Unfortunately, that included the bills, where we lived, and other important things.  I began to create lists to help us to remember to pay bills, feed the pets, do regular chores, and such.  Why?  Because if it was not on the list, he would not do it.  Even if it was on the list he might not do it, but I would remember amid all my other "normal" duties and get it done.  This grew and grew to where everything in my life was a list.

Now, I still have to have lists.  My memory is getting way too faulty to cope.  God is not banning lists in my life.  What is He doing then?  Asking me to let Him make the list.  That's right.  Give Him the ultimate control of my life - my lists!

How do I do this?  I go ahead and make out my list for tomorrow as normal.  I never realized how ambitious I was.  When the list is made, I pray and ask God to take what needs to be removed and add what I have missed.  I about cry when He has me remove some items that I really want to do.  But in all honesty, I would not have been able to get it all done.

I feel better each day.  My lists are not as long and when they are they are made up of what He wants me to do and not what I want.  This is a huge difference.  He never fails.  His plans never are wrong.  Mine on the other hand.......