Join Me on a Journey

My church began a 12 step program called Celebrate Recovery. At first I was like so many that thought that this was only for alcoholism and drug addiction. How wrong I was! This program addresses everything you can possibly imagine. It is applicable to every person. We all have something to recover from even it is just plain old pride. Join me in my journey to recover from co-dependency and any thing else I will happen to discover on this journey.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Lesson 8 - Sponsor

In this lesson I am asked why is it important for me to have a support team.  It is not just in this recovery program that we need support teams.  We cannot go through life without a support team around us in some form or fashion.  We are made to want communion with others.

What is the job of a support team?  They are there to support.  Why is support needed?  Because the foundation is not strong enough on its own.  A support is needed to hold it up.  That is what our support team does for us.

I struggle here.  I do not have much of a support team.  That is usually because of the position I am in as a wife of a minister.  I've always heard from other pastors' wives how alone they feel because they have no one to talk to or confide in.  That is so very true.  You cannot reveal much if anything because most people take it and tell others.  They remember it during a business meeting.  They forget that the pastor and his family are human and so much alone.  Since I am battling co-dependency I have trouble getting a support team because I have no one to talk to.  They all know him and work with him. 

I need to get a support team, but I have no idea where.  I cannot advance much here if I do not have someone who will eventually become my sponsor.  I'm really going to have to pray about this since it could prove disastrous if I do not handle this properly.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Recovery is Continual

One thing I have learned in this process is that recovery is an ongoing process.  Even when you say that you have reached step 12, in reality you go through all 12 steps each day of your life.  I have to remind myself over and over that it is not about me.  I have to give it all over to God again.  I have to recognize hurt and pain.  I have to forgive and go forward.  I have to face my defects and work on them.

So many people look at recovery as just getting over being addicted to drugs or alcohol.  How wrong they are!  Each and every person breathing needs to recovery from something.  If nothing else, they need to recover from pride.  No one is perfect.  We are all sinners.  This program is perfect in that it does not address only alcohol or only drugs.  It addresses your entire life. 

In our spiritual walks we are to start our day putting back on the armor of God.  We have to almost start over each day as we prepare ourselves for the battles ahead.  That is no different that it is to be in Celebrate Recovery.  We have to gird up and protect ourselves in the same way.  That armor is vital to us.

Shedding bad baggage and influences is what all Christians are called to do.  We are called to grow and mature.  We are called to recover from this world.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Still Trying to Understand

I'm trying to hard to understand how to recover from co-dependency when it seems forced on me.  Most of the testimonies I have found revolve around alcohol and drug recovery.  The few that I have found that involve co-dependency are mainly those spouses our children of alcoholics and drug addicts.  I am not finding anyone who is trying to recover from being married to an ADD spouse.

This is really hard for me as I try to understand how I can get through it all.  I try to go through the steps but I keep finding my life in chaos as he makes decisions without thinking and lives in the moment.  I can see the bridge is out ahead of us but what do I do?  If I yell and try to pull him back, we fight and I get depressed.  If I don't say anything we fall into the canyon.

I remember one testimony in which a wife was recovering from co-dependency with a husband who cheated on her and was a huge alcoholic.  She always felt that if her husband would change all would be well.  She just didn't realize that she needed to change, too.  I feel like that.  But the difference is I know that I need to change, but it is hard when you do not see the other one attempting to change.

Does ADD win?  Do I just give in and my change and recovery involves letting the ADD have complete control?  That is where I feel lost.

We do see a counselor to help him with his ADD.  Where I struggle is that once we leave the office, he forgets about we are to work on and goes back to his normal way of living.  How can I get over my co-dependency when I see no way?

I am not going to give up on my recovery.  This program is wonderful and I am learning so much.  It is great and I would recommend it for anyone.  I just wish I could find more that were in my situation.