Living My Life For Others

As the years went by I did not realize how much I was living my life to please others and failing horribly at it.  I did not make the right decisions.  I did not clean my house good enough.  I worked too much.  I needed to work more.  I was a complete failure. 

I began to notice depression creeping in more and more.  I needed a little encouragement and praise for the work I did.  Getting that was virtually non-existent.  My meal might not be the equal to Julia Child's cooking, but it wasn't nasty.  I began to think that I was no good at everything I touched.

This is a big sign of co-dependency as my life began to be directed by everyone else around me and it was made worse by everyone pulling me in opposite directions.  What was the right thing to do?  Who should I listen to?  My mind began a constant swirl that was quickly becoming a hurricane bent on destroying me.

The net tying me down in life began to fray when I realized the stupidity of those that were pinning me down.  We had a relative come visit one day.  I had just got home from 10 hours at work.  Husband and two young children were home all day.  We needed to sweep the floors and the broom was not where I usually kept it.  The visitor looked at me in shock and informed me that I was the woman of the house and should always know where things were even if I am not home.  What?  I am supposed to have this incredible power to control my husband while I am at work and make him put things where they belong?  I am worried about pleasing these people and the most ludicrous notions?  I began to look a little closer at how I was living my life.

People have this incredible need to have an opinion and push it off on other people.  This has been the majority of my life.  I always thought that I had to meet their approval and follow their words of "wisdom", aka opinion.  Opinions are not wisdom and are usually not from God.  They are opinions only.

Not knowing where my broom is does not mean that I am a bad person, mother, or housekeeping.  But that is how I took it.  I began to beat myself up and cry for several days because now that person thought bad of me.  I needed to feel loved and all I was getting was the message that I just wasn't good enough.

This is the power that others have over someone that is co-dependent.  Their feelings and self-esteem are driven by others.  They need to feel loved and accepted.  When they do not receive it, they fall deeper and deeper into other people's power as they try harder and harder to meet their approval.  It is a never ending vicious cycle that can only end in destruction if it is not stopped.

It was only when I saw the net fray that I realized that there was a world outside of that suffocating net.  God did not put that net on me.  I allowed other people do that do me.  He wants me to have freedom not condemnation from those around me.  I was determined that the net was to go away.