Principle One

I read principle one that states: Realize that I'm not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.

At first I thought that I didn't need to focus on this one. I knew I wasn't God. I wouldn't dream of thinking I was Him. But then I got past the pride of knowing that first sentence to realize that there was more to that that I needed to listen to.

I've been told over and over that I should be in control of my life, my house, and my kids. Everything should be the way I set up. All outcomes should be expected by me. I should be able to work full time (ok, more than full time), come home to a husband and kids who have been home all day and know exactly where everything is. Because of that I always felt that I was so wrong and my goal in life should be the Mrs. Cleaver of the neighborhood though I was putting in 50 hours a week at work and at least another 20 for the church in my roles there. My life was chaos and I had to get it all calmed and organized.

Well, guess what? Yes, my life in unmanageable, but it is arrogant of me to think that I am the only one to get it under control. Only God can be the controller of my life and whenever I try to direct it the chaos continues.

This was a humbling discovery for me. In addition to having to realize that I'm not supermom and that I can't do it all, I had to deal with the anger that developed at the ones who were imposing that belief on me. Who were they to tell me that my house had to immaculate and my life perfectly laid out? Who were they to tell me where my priorities should be? Only my God can do all that, and He should be the only one I'm listening to.

I cannot dictate what tomorrow brings. I cannot dictate what today brings. I can plan, but I have to be aware that I live in a fallen world and chaos cannot be avoided when the things of the world are focused on.